toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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