How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
