I just cut my nipple shaving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
