I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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