shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
