I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
