So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
