is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
