The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
