the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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