My hand turned me down
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
