Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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