The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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