i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
