Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
