I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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