It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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