His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
