Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
