How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
