You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
