hell yes lets make some ravioli
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
