OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it hurts more in the daytime
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.