so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.