I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
