It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet