Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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