...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
