Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
