if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
