Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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