Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
