By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
