my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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