I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
