just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
