I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
