where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
