I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
