Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
