New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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