omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
