I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
