I want to have your abortion
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
