I smell stomach acid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
