I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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