I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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