I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
