In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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