drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
