Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
