dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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