I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
