the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just invented taco cereal.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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