you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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