Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
