Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
