when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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