If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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