Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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