Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
