Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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