What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
