while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
