ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
