i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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