i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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