You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
