its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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