I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
