its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
