Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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