My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
