So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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