I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
