i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she told me i tasted like america
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
