Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
