i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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