I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
